full moon friday
first day bleeding.
350 before tip out; 275 after.

okay. first things first. i never thought i would say this. but bourbon street at sunrise almost made me cry today. with that aqueous, letting go joy. something about the neon with the streaky sky and rising sun. at night the neon is all about opposing the black night. being not of this world. but then the dawn comes back and reclaims the colors as part of this expansive universe.

so i'm getting better at some of the stripper moves. for example, i went backwards and upside down with my pussy in the guys faces in most of my lap dances tonight. also, this one where you stand with your back to the pole and your arms above your head and slowly lower yousrelf down as you walk your feet out so in the end your knees are bent and your back is parallel to the floor and you are still gyrating., well, i was the last dancer of the night, just due to the rotation, so it was like 5.20 am, and i'm doing this move on the stage and i didn't even think anyone was really around the stage it was so late, but there was this woman at my feet trying to give me a dollar, and i guess i kicked out my foot and i KICKED HER IN THE FACE. she was totally a good sport about it though, and i rubbed my tits in her face to make up for it lol. she still gave me the dollar :) and THEN! her friends (they all work for jet blue...i wonder if they were flight attendants or what), this guy and a girl, they got a dance together. it was awesome! i took two armchairs and had them face eachother so i could do stuff in between them. she was great, too, she kept asking consent for touching me places. and she RESPECTED THE DON'T TOUCH MY JUNK RULE. and kept calling him out on it. it was awesome.

sometimes i'm so fucking naive. this  guy was sitting in a corner and he called me over. i'd been seeing him, but some vibe made me think he wasn't in for dances, so i' hadn't gone over. he was good looking though. i went and sat with him. he was like, "i've been here the past couple of nights, and i've seen you, so i wanted to say hello." i think he gave some nondescript compliment. we exchanged names and then he said that he wanted us to meet because "i just got back from the feds and i'm gonna be trying to take over the strip clubs." even though he said "feds" i was still not getting it. i thought he meant he was gonna buy out bourbon entertainment, the place that owns the place i work and some other places too. "oh cool" i said. so you're gonna own this place?" he chuckled. "no." he said. "the DRUGS. i just got back from the feds and i'm gonna take over the DRUGS in this area." "oh," i said. "the feds like prison?" "yea," he said, "so i wanted to introduce myself." i said that all that was "awesome," and i would "keep it in mind." then i asked him if he wanted a dance and he said no but maybe he would buy one for his buddy later. i told him about his nice smile and then went and did something else.

i think i'm just not going to touch all that shit with anything except for a ten foot pole of courtesy and flirtation. i mean, i get asked for coke all the time, but i'm not trying to be anyone's hookup, especially when there's nothing in it for me. also NO I WILL NOT LET YOU STICK YOUR DICK UP MY ASS. and if i tell you you can't touch my pussy DO YOU REALLY THINK I AM GOING TO LET YOU COME IN MY MOUTH? for god sake's people it's a FUCKING STRIP CLUB. there were these overgrown nerds who are often the nastiest horndogs and they were all asking if we would do anal. GROSS. me and ar--- and the door woman and someone else were talking about him, which is always really nice to commiserate with teh other dancers, cuz sometimes it can seem like you are having these crappy experiences all by yourself, but then someone else is like, "yeah, i'm not making any money tonight either" or "these guys are cheap" or "that guy just tried to finger me" or "he won't stop asking everyone for anal," and then it's like, "okay, it's not something fucked up about me. but anyway, ar--- went inside and went up to him and was like, "so are you the guy that is asking everyone for anal?" and he was like, "no," that guy's already out back. i have a pretty enormous crush on ar----. she's the best dancer and she always looks good, like she's not working hard at all, but you know that she is. i think she had a bad night. we were outside and she was like, "being black is not working for me tonight...you know sometimes i wish i were white." i'm not gonna lie. the strip club is yet another place where the extremes of racism are super visible. and i know i benefit a shit ton from being white. from teh ways i've already written about, but also, when i experience the racism of customers, it's like a moral/existential dilemma as opposed to a dilemma around whether i'm gonna make enough money that night.